Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.