Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.