Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.