you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
