it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
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someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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