I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
