The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
