I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
