I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
