Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
