i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
