I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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