I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize