im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
