quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
