I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
