You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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