NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
