Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
