My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
