2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
