if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
