Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
