Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
