found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
