3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
