I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
