Having a random hookup so left but love u
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
