the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
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My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
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After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
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