I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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