p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
