is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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