I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
