You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
