it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
