i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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