Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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