I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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