this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
They have beer where we have blood.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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