I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
