you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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