Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
