i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
