Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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