Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
this boner is exhausting
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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