So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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