Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
