his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
