So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
