i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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