Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
