I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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