i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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