I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
