Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Randomize
