well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
