wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
