that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
