Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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