ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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