is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
