What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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