dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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