one two three fourrrrnication!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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