why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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