I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
