look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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